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State of Me: Wonderful!

31st January 2018.

Deer Dairy,

Last night, when it was over, I was so pleased with my State of the Union Address, I could hardly focus my attentive-ery span thing to watch the 11 TVs all showing me around my bed in the White House – a shithole address, Deer Dairy, like a Niger-American inner-city slum, compared with Trump Tower – what kind of luxury is it, where you have to shit into a PORSLAIN fucking toilet? Another reason I didn’t want this job: the collapse-ation of my lifestyle. (A timeful hint, Deer Dairy: never offer anyone cleaning your bedroom in the White House 40 grand to pee on you: turns out she’s not a ho, that’s a real French housemaid outfit; still, she woulda worked out cheaper than Stormy and not sour like Melania; not even lemons aren’t sour like Melania! Wouldn’t even come to Davos, probably because she thought it was Divorce, like me, understandable mistake. She should be grinning like a pig in shit: she could still be in that orphanage in Ratsylvania or whatever! Hmmm. I wonder if I could send her back as part of the DACA deal?) But many people are saying my State of the Nation was the bestliest ever made by anyone, including George Washington and leaving out Babbon Obama. For the Niger-Americans, I promised to reform the prison system, where most of them are, good news for them, softer pillows in their cells. The Jews still shit-happy with Jerusalem embassy – standing ovation for Jared, got to cut him back down to size, cameras were supposed to stay on me. The Democrats got the best from me though: fucked them good! Cemented hatred for immigrants last night with my ban-the-black families. Let them wear black and sit down when I talk. I’ll fuck them all. Feeling so good, Deerest Dairy, can’t hardly finish my seventh cheeseburger!

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