LONG WEEKEND in Trinidad and Y’Boy studying how much Trini will reach Barbados, and who he could stick to bring a bag of Haniff & Sons airport doubles, supposing they have a hand free to carry it, assuming them not holding umbrella from Piarco to Grantley Adams, from home to hotel.

SUPPOSE, BEFORE the media conference announcing Britain’s plan to send UK asylum-seekers to Rwanda on a one-way ticket, Rwandan Foreign Minister Vincent Biruta and Bojo the Clown’s Vote Leave Party Hearty in Lockdown Government, Priti Patel, were given a truth pill? This is what he and the woman who, having been exposed to her politics, I think of as Ugli Patel might have said. The (edited) questions below were asked by reporters.

TWO THURSDAYS ago, Trinidad and Tobago’s 11-year-olds sat the Secondary Entrance Assessment, hoping to pass for a “prestige school” which, in Trinidad, means one where the students are more afraid of the teachers than vice versa.

LAST THURSDAY, thousands of 11-year-olds sat the Secondary Entrance Assessment hoping to pass for a “prestige school” which, in Trinidad, means one where there are more stabs at scholarships in CAPE than there are stabbings in the schoolyard.

FOR THOSE who don’t know them, here are the main lyrics of the theme of the sitcom that made Will “Hard Slap” Smith so rich and powerful, he thought nothing of cuffing down Chris Rock on Oscars night. I’m going to rework them to reflect the behaviour of two rich, powerful men famous for the wrong reasons this week.