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A Trifecta of What’s Best on the Box for Sunday 31 December 2017

Today’s Number One Film: Inception, 8.55am HBO BEST FILM OF THE DAY. Watch this if you liked Shutter Island, The Matrix or Pan’s Labyrinth. With Best Cinematography, Best Sound Editing & Mixing Oscars and Best Director, Screenplay, Music, Special Effects & Best Sci-Fi Film Saturns, the most imaginative American film since Adaptation manages to mix visceral, pulse-racing action & tension with real cerebral satisfaction. Even if you don’t understand it – and, once you pay attention, you will, and will love it – the action and effects alone could blow your mind. Simply excellent. Perhaps the best

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Rowley’ Mother Don’t Count

ANOTHER TRINIDADIAN YEAR drifts to its end, with the ship of state as likely to end up on the rocks as in the harbor, and that outcome a matter entirely of chance because the crew, before and behind the mast, cares more about raiding the cargo than docking the boat; and, if they calculate on the bridge that there will be more bounty to plunder via salvage than safety, all-man-Jack will pop the cork on the Cristal and cheerfully scupper the firetrucker. “Captain, the ship is sinking/ Captain, the seas are rough/ Sailor, hush, I drinking/ And the curry-duck is warm enough”.

You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows and you don’t need an international body to know your country is collapsing: our judiciary is falling apart openly (and behind closed doors); it’s easier (and cheaper) to buy cocaine outside of a Port of Spain bank than US dollars inside; children’s hospitals lie empty in Trinidad and cultural complexes in Tobago will never be filled by “conferencing” foreigners when locals are fighting over every seat on every rare plane; without a ferry bringing Trini-groceries, Tobagonians starve because they don’t plant pigeon peas anymore, but import lentils from Canada; and, in either T or T, any citizen, regardless of rank, can be murdered anytime, anywhere (especially Morvant-Laventille and Bacolet Gardens) and nothing at all will be done about it in 93 per cent of cases, because, in this pappy-show land, where nearly everything is a pappy-show, the police service is the biggest “make work” scheme…

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Merry Christmas, Real Americans, F-U, UN!

Bestly idea I ever had – all my ideas are the best ones, no one has more bestly ideas, they’re all in my head under my real hair, all me, all the time, the bestly ideas, I’m the POTUS with the MOSTUS, not Obama! Me! Right on top of the pile of all my sheer genius ideas like Trump Steaks and Trump University and posing with Ivanka on my knee was my idea to bring back “Merry Christmas”. Everyone’s happier in real America today! All the REAL Americans, that is. “Happy Holidays, my ass!” As if that Niger-American Kwan-Jungle-Bunny-Za

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The Real Oppressed Minority of Me

Not having a greatly time in Mar-A-Lago, either. Thought I’d feel wonderfully, like running through the wheat fields like that Theresa May guy pretending to be the British prime minister, idiot, voted against me recognizing Jerusalem as the Israeli capital, except I’d prefer to run through – or, actually, walk slowly through – the dressing-rooms of Miss Universe, grabbing a little pussy here and there. Not Miss Nigeria. Or Miss Zim-babble-whey. None

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Blue Christmas for Donald

So a greatly week all round, bestiest week I’ve had since November 2016 and I’m finally in Mar-A-Lago, bestly place in America and the ninth, tenth and 11th Wonder of the World, bestly place I own and I own more than anybody else, and finally I am somewhere where everybody appreciates me because I pay them to. But why do you still feel so downly, Donald? Is it because

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