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The Secret Diary of Donald J Trump, aged 71 ¾

The Second Coming

5 November 2018

Deer Dairy

The excitablement is tremendous!!! The Democrats were afraid to make it a referendum about me but I made it a refer-END-SMART about me!!! Not even the return of Jesus “H” Christ could be as terrific because he is not nearly as popular as me now!!!! MY RATINGS ARE THROUGH THE ROOF!!!! WAY BETTER THAN A CROWN OF THORNS!!!! The believers love me more than they love life itself!!! Or, at least, healthcare. WE ARE GOING TO WIN SO BIGLY TOMORROW, THEY’RE GOING TO MAKE ME PRESIDENT OF CANADA, TOO!!!! Now that would be something the likes of which the world and those dumb-fuck Canadians have never seen!!! TRUMP IS SUCH A BIGLY BRAND, A WORLD BRAND, IT WILL BEAT TRUE-DOUGH-BOY!!! I’m winning races I’m not even in!!!! BUT I DON’T WANT SHITHOLE MEXICO!!! I could solve their problems in one term THEN AMERICANS WOULD BE INVADING MEXICO BECAUSE I WOULD MAKE IT PARADICE!!!! NO, ONLY AMERICA IS GRATE!!! AMERICA FIRST!!!! God, the next two days are going to be so grate!!! Unless we lose. I NEVER LOSE EVEN IF THE REPUBLICANS LOSE TOMORROW IT’S THEM, NOT ME!!! THEY SHOULD OF EMBRACE MY IDEERS!!!! Like I embrace 16-year-old hotties who work for me: pin them down and use your weight so they can’t struggle so much. ALL THESE FAKE NEWS LOSERS MOANING ABOUT WHY I DON’T TALK ABOUT THE JOBS NOT THE MOBS. They don’t understand human nature AND I MAKE HUMAN NATURE. I HAVE THE BEST HUMAN NATURE. IN GINA, THEY COPPY MY NATURE BUT THEY WILL HAVE TO PAY INTELLECTY-MENT PROPERTY STUFF BECAUSE I WIN SO MUCH, I AM SICK OF WINNING. But could I lose tomorrow, Deerest Dairy? Could people care about one another more than they care about me? NOT POSSIBLE THEY LOVE ME I DON’T HAVE TO GRAB PUSSY ANY MORE THEY FLING IT AT ME LIKE RICE AT A WEDDING. I COULD FUCK THE BRIDE AT ANY WEDDING!!!! AND THE HUSBAND WOULD CHEER ME ON!!! Any Republican wedding, anyhow. Hmmm. I wonder, Deer Dairy… if Ivanka got divorced and remarried a Real American, that would be a wedding, wouldn’t it, Deer Dairy? Even if I lose EVEN IF THEY LOSE tomorrow, I still win. Because, Deer Dairy, I can memory the importantly things. Who needs the Senate or the House when you have the hottest daughter in the world getting divorced? Got to find those Secret Service pix of Jared now.

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