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The Secret Diary of Donald J Trump, aged 71 ¾

Easy as Taking Housing from a Negro

18 October 2018

Deer Dairy

For a while, I’ll tell you and no one else because YOU CAN’T TRUST ANY OF THESE DIPSHITS everyone kissing your ass in the White Supremacy House and then running to talk to people writing books about KAOS IN TRUMP ADMINSTERY-THING. What bullshit. I’ll lock them all up, lock them up, lock them up. What did Bob Wood-Head ever do for his country? Whereas I fought in Vietnam, Korea and Afghanistan. Hmmm. Must say that two or three times on the campaign trail and, by the fourth time, the morons sorry my base will believe it. Where can I get one of those military suits, with badges and stuff? Crooked Hilary was so wrong: my voters are a Basket of Dependables: I can depend on them to swallow anything JUST LIKE HORSEFACE SHE LOVED IT AND IT WAS BIGLY! HUGELY!!!! But I’m not worried any more, Deerest Dairy, about losing, the worstly thing of all, because IT’S ALL ABOUT THE CATCHPRHASES. SLOGANS WORK. Democrats make mobs, I give you jobs! YOU’RE FIRED. They’re singing along already, even if they can’t risk getting a headache because they can’t afford to buy aspirin! God, how I love this country. It made my father rich AND THAT MADE ME RICH. Never thought I could get poor people to give me so many of their pennies I don’t even miss the Russian containers of cash. You watch, Dairy: we’re going to win bigly next month. They’re going to have to give me a third term, I’m telling you, I’m doing so much for them. DO THEY HAVE ANY IDEER HOW LUCKY THEY ARE?

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