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The Secret Diary of Donald J Trump, aged 71 ¾

Witch Hunting Season is Closed

Deer Dairy

Today is my 500th day in office but would Fake News organise a military parade for me? Why are there no tanks in the streets and big quires singing praise songs? Many people are saying that Kanye West should be our Poet Larry Tate if he does a long rap about me that goes to number one all the best ratings: “Donald J walks/ O Mama, I wanna talk to Donald/ O Mama, he likes to eat like Ronald/ Big Macs with supersize fries/ Donald J is the most bestly of guys”. I could dictate that song to him like I did the letter about Don Junior's Russian collusion meeting and then I would make Kanye the new Poet Larry Tate. He deserves it. He's grabbing Kim Kardashian pussy! Talented guy. Larry Tate was a grate poetist, apparently, or why would they call the new ones after him?500 days of the bestly leadership this country and the world has ever known and DEMOC- RATS ARE STILL CRYING BOOHOO ABOUT WITCHHUNT RUSSIA. There is no collusion. COLLUSION HAS “LOSE” IN IT AND I DON’T LOSE. I’m the greatest winner and if Robert Mule-Fucker Democ-RAT-in-disguise brings a charge against me I WILL PARDON MYSELF because I can. Can’t let the cheating Democ-RATS destabilish our country. THEIR TRYING TO AFFECT THE OUTCOME OF THE MID-TERMS JUST LIKE THE RUSSIANS. Ooops, there wasn’t no Russian anything, that was just James Comey making it all up. I DID NOTHING WRONG but, if I have to, I’ll pardon myself so that THERE IS NO INTERFERENCES with the mid-terms.I can’t be bothered with Special Cheating Counsel. I have an election to steal in a matter of months! Got to be at work. Thank God for the Russians. Without them, we’d have a criminal in the White House.

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