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The Secret Diary of Donald J Trump, aged 71 ¾

The King of Presidents

10 May 2018

Deer Dairy

Crooked Hilary-Worshipping National Enemy Fake News deflaming my character saying I’m not presidentialish but I SHOWDE THEM LAST NITE!!! Who acted more presidentable than me, late last night, when every sensibly person is either snoring in their bed or chomping on triple-cheeseburgers and watching the Cartoon Network? Nobody! I’m the most presidentish of all time and countries, including Not So Grate Britain, don’t invite me to the royal wedding I’ll pull out of the Iran deal! Show them who is boss! THE REAL ROYEL FAMILY IS ALL TRUMPS!!!! DO THEY HAVE A GOLD TOILET IN BUCKING-PORK PALACE??? But there I was waiting for the American hostages and when they finally arrived and I had to stop watching Bugs Bunny – great leader, Bugs, much smarter than that Road Runner, they should do a show together, Bugs would get all the ratings, Road Runner would be Road Kill – and I went out to that plane with Melania no cameras for her, just me, all cameras on me and did I act presidentish? You bet your ass I acted presidently! Deerest Dairy, I was expecting three Americans and then these three fuckin' chinks turned up! I didn’t know they had North Korn-Hole-E-An hostages! But I didn’t blink an eyeful or nothing, just very presidentably shook all their little yellow hands and pretended I was glad to see them, whoever the fuck they were. But when do the Americans get here? So fed up of dealing with shithole countries. At least I’ve got I-Ran-and-Came-Last off my back. One stroke of a pen and we were out of the worst nukleer deal ever made and ANOTHER BABBON OBAMA LEGACY DISTROID! By the time I’m done, no one will remember the day the White House was desecrated by a Muslim who was not born in the USA MAKE AMERICA WHITE AGAIN but where the Hell are the American hostages? Give these Viet Kong losers some fried rice and send them to California!

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