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The Secret Diary of Donald J Trump, aged 71 ¾

Saved by the Old Bat

18 April 2018

Deer Dairy

Dubbya Bush is one of the world’s great losers, worst ratings ever as Commander-in-Chief, except for Babbon Obama, but it’s an ill wind that blows no gooder than Stormy. His dead mother’s taken the heat offa me! All the Fake News and even the Good Fox Loves Me News are showing nothing but Barbara Bush repeats! Stupid bitch, taking my headlines, but at least no one’s talking about Michael No-Cojones and Jim Criminally now! I was going to ease Comey up on the Tweet-Front anyways because he told Fake News that my hands were the biggest he’d ever seen AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!!!! It means no one would listen to Stormy, in case she said anything was like a tiny little shrivelled up prawn. NOT ME SHE COULDN’T BE TALKING ABOUT ME. Though she was giggling on the phone to someone about tiny little prawns and we had ordered steak and fries from room service. If I knew Barbara Bush was going to die and take over the news bicycle, I would not have ordered those missile strikes on Syria and made Vladdie so upset. You can’t depend on anyone but yourself, Deer Dairy, and Ivanka. But I may have to attack Iran soon, if the FAKE COURTS don’t give me back all my Russian stuff from Michael No-Cojones’ office. THERE IS NO COLLUSION. But it might be better if there wasn’t no Special Counsel investigation neither. Lovely lady, Barbara was, Deer Dairy, and brave enough to tell the truth about Niger-Americans getting more money from Katrina relief than they did from selling crack or stealing hubcaps. We need more like her, except not dead.

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