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The Secret Diary of Donald J Trump, aged 71 ¾


6 April 2018

Deer Dairy,

Well, I think the whole Stormy-in-a-D-Cup thing is over now. You just have to throw them something bigger. Who cares about Stormy, now they have trade wars with Gina to talk about? Just Melania and she doesn’t matter any more now than she did then. What’s Melania gonna do anyway? Threaten to take that fat kid away from me? That's like threatening to take NAFTA away: that’s what I want! Sometimes it comes up all aces, Deerest Dairy, all aces. Had a great Martin Luther Coon Day, too. Looks like the play-date with Vladdie may happen, after all, once we can get this nerve gas and dipshit-lo-mats expulsion thing done and dustable. There are many fine people in Russia and we’ll trade with them after I’ve beaten the Chinks! President Zhee-for-Zheero will be begging for me to take away my tarriffic tariffs in a week. And then North Korn-Hole-E-A will disarm and Little Rocket Man will thank me in his speech and then at last they will realise how grate I am. Even Robert Mule-Fucker is keeping quite. I’m the best thing that ever happened to America. Wait until they hear my new plan to replace the wall with coalmines all along the Mexican border. They’re gonna love me! And I’m thinking of doing Stormy again. You can always get what you want, if you’re me.

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