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The Secret Diary of Donald J Trump, aged 71 ¾

No-Hope Slag

1 March 2018

Deer Dairy,

Sometimes I wonder why I’m doing this thankful-less job! I didn’t have to be in this Oval Orificie with no Ovaltine, how ironical, I could have been done and dusty with three seasons of Celebrity Apprentice by this time, soaring over the ratings like Vladdie Putin leaping on his big white stallion! Ummmm. But I try to help the great country that made me rich and now Robert Mule-Fucker won’t stop his biasful WITCH HUNT! You do a favour for a Russian, wash a little rouble here, sell a penthouse or two there, and you get a Trump Towerful of bitcoins! THERE IS NO COLLUSION. Not about the election, anyway. I won that FARE AND SQUARE! SMOKE THAT CROOKED HILLARY AND CHOKE ON IT! But I’m choking up myself, I’m that sadly, a small tear of disappoint-ness, Deer Dairy, creeping down my cheek like an inner city Niger-American heading home to prison. Imagine I coached No-Hope From-the-Hicks so muchly, told her over-and-over like I told Royster the Molester NEVER ADMIT! Like that Jamaican Rasta jungle bunny said in his song,WASN’T ME! Once you never admit it, you never did it! What the hell was she talking about “white lies” for? The only “white” you’re allowed to say in my White House is White Power! Pity. I would have taken two Viagras for her if she had stuck by me. They let you downly all the time, Deer Dairy, is why I get close to nobody but me, but luckfully, I am enough for me. Hope there’s cheeseburgers for snack before cheeseburgers for lunch today

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