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The Secret Diary of Donald J Trump, aged 71 ¾

Butch Pride Parade

8th February 2018

Deer Dairy,

Didn’t think this job could hold up a candlestick or whatever to running my Grate Trump Empire – bestliest hotels, golf clubs and casinos, not just in the world but in the entire solo system! Okay, maybe not casinos. Or vodka. Or universities. But Miss Universe is still the BEST GODDAM PUSSY SHOW IN THE SOLO SYSTEM! And I can grab any Miss Universe pussy I want, anytime I feel. Don’t feel much like it, of course, unless Vlad wants to spit-roast one, he looks so MANLY without a shirt. Ummm. Or pants. I’m blushing, Deer Dairy, don’t tell anybody! No sense grabbing pussy now. Porn stars run you, like, a couple mill, plus a one-time $130K hush-payment. Cheep, for a man of my statue but I won’t pay hos any more than blue-collar workers. I COULD pay but I won’t, on PRINCIPAL! Chump change for me but that chimp Babbon Obama could never put together so much money after a lifetime. Boils my blood, how he pretends to love his wife. NO ONE LOVES THEIR WIFE. I know. I have three I hate. But I don’t care about little things like alimony and pussy-hush-mony, Deer Dairy, because I found out the one good thing about this job I AM GETTING A PARADE. Since I saw the French one, I thought, “We have to make America march again!” Anything the French can do, we Americans can do better: look at their pathetic fucking crepes and then go to IHOP! Tanks rolling down Pennsylvania Avenue and six million soldiers saluting me, one for each Jew he has to take out, no five million, 900 thousand and whatever, subtract one, because Ivanka is already taking out Jared. THEY CAN’T BE BOTH JEWS AND MY FAMILY! So they’re, like, Jews-Light or whatever. I can’t wait for the greatest military parade the likes of which the world has never seen, not even in old Russia or modern North Korn-Hole-E-A. Tanks, artilleries, battleships, millions of soldiers, thousands of jets flying overhead. Let me see fucking Democrat losers refuse to clap for me then! Vlad will stand by my side and take the salute with me and then, later, we will wrestle, Greek-style, on a bearskin rug by the fireside, I will invite him into my Oval Orifice or whatever. Hmmm. Can we switch the date of My Grate Parade from July 4th to February 14th?

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