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The Secret Diary of Donald J Trump, aged 70 ¾

Me Alone against Niger-Americans

12th January 2018.

Dear Dairy,

I was elected by a minority of Americans and sent by God to sort this shit out. What’s happened to the world when the most powerful man in it can’t call a spade a coon? Cable Fake News always has people on it pretending that I tell a thousand lies a minute but do they cover it when I tell the truth? They want truth to power, they say, but when they get it, oh, all of a sudden, Haiti isn’t a shithole anymore! You don’t even have to go to Haiti to know it’s a shithole, just take a cab in New York City. I never have to take cabs. I take a helicopter across Midtown, I don’t even see Niger-Americans unless they work for me and then they better have my shoes shiny! This is what happens when you let a Kenyan Niger-American steal the presidency! You can’t even say Africa should be wiped out! The world would be a better place without it, we all know that – but can you say it? No migrants clogging up Italian beaches. Oh, Dear Dairy, it’s sometimes so frustratable to be trying to bring sense to this insane DRAIN THE SWAMP DRAIN THE SWAMP LYNCH THE oh, no, wait. Worst of all, another white man, who should defend Mainly Fresh Destiny, which proves there are many fine people who lynched Negroes – it was the time, it was the fashion, what, we’re going to take down statues of Abe Lincoln, too? These ignorant people need to read there history: Mainly Fresh Destiny SAYS we are in charge! I didn’t make it this way! it up with God, but, Dear Dairy, I will do the right thing. I’m going to tell my generals to do a nuclear bomb test, show Little Rocket Man Kim Ping Pong whose is bigger. Only we’ll do the test in the Caribbean Sea. When I said, “Take out the Haitians” I was really thinking, “Take out Haiti”. Only trouble is, when we nuke them, we won’t be able to tell how effective the bomb was: they have no buildings since the ‘quake! Shithole fucking wannabe country!

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