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The Secret Diary of Donald J Trump, aged 71 ¾

Book 'Em, Wolff-O!

4th January 2018. Melania always yapping about being “conflicted” – big word she learned from her therapist, so much money, so little gain, had better results from the tit job – but I never got it until today. So many people all over the world talking about me - but what are they saying? Why repeat anything said by Steve Ban-on-Sense? He chose loser Judge Roy Bean-Head! Many people have stopped saying, “the greatest thing since sliced bread” and are now saying, “the greatest thing since Donald Trump”. I made up that expression, “the greatest thing since sliced bread”, so it’s still me, even if I am the greatest thing since Donald Trump sliced bread! I always win! Fat Oval Office loser chick - can't call HER 'lightweight' - who goes out to baffle the media for me so worried about this stupid book. She been doing this job ever since she took over from that other fat chick and still don’t know how the deelio works: we repeat the good bits and say everything else is a lie. Duh-uh! No one watching Fox Loves Trump News cares if Melania has her own bedroom in the White House, and I prefer that, once Hank Slimers doesn’t sneak in. Who cares if Don Jnr goes to jail for treason? Sure, you have to pretend to sue the book-publishers, like you pretend to sue the pussy-grabbed, but the main thing is, all eyes are on me. Not on what I’m doing. Like I told the Big Bad Wolff who wrote the book, I never thought I’d win this thing, it was just to get a better deal for the next season of Celebrity Apprentice, instead I ended up the White House Apprentice! No, I never told him that, the whole book is all lies, fake news, but it’s still all real ka-ching-ka-ching-in the bank for me. It’s going to be another great year!

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