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The Secret Diary of Donald J Trump, aged 71 ¾

Noble Piece Prize for Me

I’m going to take one look at that little yellow nip and he will quake in his boots. They’re all afraid of me. All those European wah-wah-crybaby leaders want to make me take part in a group without Vladdie.

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No Such Thing as the American BLACK Eagle?

I look down on those Eagles. Too good to come to Trump House? I’ll get them all fired. I’ll talk to the NFL owners and give them a tax cut for every Niger-American they fire! MAKE THE NFL GREAT AGAIN!!!!

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Witch Hunting Season is Closed

I would make Kanye the new Poet Larry Tate. He deserves it. He's grabbing Kim Kardashian pussy!

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The King of Presidents

Who acted more presidentable than me, late last night, when every sensibly person is either snoring in their bed or chomping on triple-cheeseburgers and watching the Cartoon Network? Nobody! I’m the most presidentish of all time and countries, including Not So Grate Britain, don’t invite me to the royal wedding I’ll pull out of the Iran deal! Show them who is boss! THE REAL ROYEL FAMILY IS ALL TRUMPS!!!!

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Hand on the Nuclear Button, Hands off Ivanka

I’ve acheeved more for international global peace in the world by beating up Little Rocket Man than every other world leader combination, especially Angle-Uglier Merkel, but will Fake News back me to get the Noble Peace Prize AND THE NOBLE ECONOMICALS AND SCIENCTIFICS PRIZES TOO

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