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The Secret Diary of Donald J Trump, aged 71 ¾

Reading, 'Riting & AR-15s

Don’t like to blow my own shoehorn but how luckily America was I came along! Never thought I would admit, even in the deep secretion of my own dairy, that Babbon Obama did something goodly but he did make me mad enough to fire him. It’s a crap office, not even one gold chair, no Ovaltine at all but I STILL TOOK IT from him! Choke on that, Niger-Americans! Won’t stand for our grate anthem, I WILL MOW YOU DOWN LIKE A LAWN! And put a Negro jockey on it!

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Guns Don't Kill, Immigrants Do

Feeling very sadly, Deerest Dairy, because so many kids got shot dead in Florida but also feeling very madly, Dairy, because I TOLED THEM IT WOULD HAPPEN. The shooter was a Dreamer but it was a NITEMARE for the many fine children! I don’t mind if Niger-Americans shoot one another, that helps keep down the prison population anyways. But these were decent kids! This is what happens when you don’t elect my candidates like Roy “Molester” Moore and when DEMOCRAT LOSERS DO NOT APPLAUD MY STATE OF THE UNION SPEECH!

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Here's the Deal: DACA for the Wife-Decker

How fastly things change up and down that make life worth something or whatever. Just mare days ago I was dancing on sunshiney parades, thinking of ICBMs and jet planes flying through the skies and troops marching across America to salute me and how I’d put some tanks in the Niger-American areas of DC – can’t call them “neighbourhoods” because they don’t love their neighbours, they just kill them, get some respect back, put them in their place, Make America Great Again by Making Negroes Scared Again. This week, every channel I flick to is raving about White House staff wives who needed to learn who was boss. No Melania black-eye pictures to stress about

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Butch Pride Parade

Didn’t think this job could hold up a candlestick or whatever to running my Grate Trump Empire – bestliest hotels, golf clubs and casinos, not just in the world but in the entire solo system! Okay, maybe not casinos. Or vodka. Or universities. But Miss Universe is still the BEST GODDAM PUSSY SHOW IN THE SOLO SYSTEM! And I can grab any Miss Universe pussy I want, anytime I feel. Don’t feel much like it, of course, unless Vlad

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Treason Us Dems, Hero No-Spine Nunes

Everything going wonder-bar, as they say in Sweden, where I’m from, not Germany, I’m NOTHING like Hitler. Blank, dear-in-headlights expressive on his face always, stupid haircut, NOTHING like me, except he saw whites were super-era race, Mainly-Fresh DESTINY like I said! I’M BETTER THAN HITLER! And I’m going to be BIGGER THAN HITLER! Long after I’m in Heaven,

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