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The Secret Diary of Donald J Trump, aged 70 ¾

Quinceañera for Roy

Heading to Camp Boring David because, oh, that’s what the POTUS is supposed to do! I’ll soon show them this POTUS does WTF he likes. Like pardon anyone who can implicate me in anything before they’re even charged. Putting lots of gifts under the White House tree for anyone close to me in the campaign with a little Monopoly game, “Get out of jail free” card inside –

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Fat Chicks Get Me Down

Will prolly head out to Mar-a-Lago later. Fed up of this town and bow-ring Tax Cuts for My Friends Bill. It’ll be a tax cut the likes of which the world has never seen: look, just take the minimum wage pay from the fry-guys at Burger King and give it to the CEOs already, they need it for their helicopters! How else to create employment?

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I Thought I Taw a Hasty Tweet

This is what happens when I trust somebody else! Do I got to do all the bigly challenges and lifting heavily by myself just me alone? I TOLD Birdbrain Bannon that Molester Moore would lose! I told everybody! I said, "Do not vote for this loser on his loser high-horse with his loser lightweight little toy gun!" If you want to impress people, bring out a bigly gun mine is the bigliest many women

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Accuse Me of P-Grabbing? Moore for Them!

Sometimes I feel so lonely at the top – not THIN on the top, like loser lightweights Rand Paul and Scott Walker, I don’t comb-over like them, that’s all my hair, all women want to stroke it and stroke me – but LONELIE at the top, like I’m the top of everything but nobody will stop loser fat chicks

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Crappy News Network

Great weekend! Roy “the Molester of Democrats” Moore ratings going through the roof, my rallies bigger than a Rocking-Chair Stones concert, Mick Jaggers is an idiot, more like Mick Jackass, stopping me using, “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” at my rallies, fuck you, Mick Jackass, your band hasn’t sold as many albums as my DVDs of Celebrity Apprentice I would NEVER have you on or maybe I might, just to fire you first, I bet

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