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King of Trumps

For the Rip Van Winkles who fell asleep in 2017, it was 20 years ago, today, that the 45th American president was inaugurated. The 88-year-old future BC Pires reflects, on 20 January 2037, on how the USA was changed

THE LAST GREAT President’s inauguration on 20 January 2017 was overshadowed by nothing, not even the early morning bombings of abortion clinics all over the USA by the newly-formed fighting wing of the Promise Keepers, the Covenant Enforcers. The liberal communist socialist BBC, CNN and other leftwing media/guerrilla groups thrust microphones at the Last Great President

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The NY Times Q&A Bootleg

THE DONALD, whom I really must force myself to refer to respectfully as, “the Jackass-elect”, started this week by stunning the world in a New York Times interview in which he flip-flopped on global warming, the Mexican wall, Crooked Hillary, Obamacare and everything else he said deeply sincerely. What the firetruck, the world said to itself, must the earlier, off-the-record conversation with NYT publisher Arthur Sulzberger Jr have been like?

Luckily for the world, I have it. Like all my other world journalistic scoops, I can certify this is 100 per cent authentic because I made it up myself, the way the Donald makes up 87 per cent of his facts.

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Red, White & Blues

INTO THE second week now and only a handful of people remain as shocked as I am that we’re actually using the word “President” and that jackass’ name joined together, though I still can’t bring myself to even write the words down; and if I’m in the Nile, it’s the one with the blues, brought on by the whites.

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​Trump Translation

WELL THE AMERICAN DREAM – or at least the 2016 version of it fantasized about by 63 per cent of white males and 53 per cent of white females – has turned into the rest of the world’s nightmare: the planet’s biggest jackass is now headed for the White House. It’s full bigoted-misogynistic-racist speed ahead with the Devil taking the foremost and God help the rest of us; in succinct Caribbean historical terms, the white folks are back in charge of the Great House and they’ll surely whip us all into shape pretty damned soon.

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​The Donald Trumps the I-SISSIES

THIS WEEK, the current two biggest firetruckeries in the world ought to have been stopped dead in their tracks: (1) Donald Trump spectacularly lost the third debate and, with it, his last chance of avoiding an electoral college rout in the US presidential election next month; and (2) the insane murdering clown posse that styles itself as a caliphate – but which I refer to as only, “the Shaitanic State” or “I-Sissies”, just to annoy them, because I just know it will – lost control of Dabiq, the ancient city on which its entire modern raison d’etre is founded; and the only thing more amusing than the wholesale cut-ass booked for both (1) and (2) in the very near future is that neither will be affected in the least by their respective catastrophes.

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