edge
Stacks Image 82615

Subscribe to Thank God It’s Friday

TGIF columns are in order by date from the most recent.

Scroll down to search or read more

Thusian Spake Bannon

THE REST of the world, apart from a small group of Trini weirdos, heaved an almighty sigh of relief on Tuesday night: at least now there won’t be two 70-year-old jackasses in high office in the US; but half the adult population of Alabama wept because there were not enough God-fearing Christians who would kiss their Bible and vote for a gun-toting, slavery-approving, Muslim-hating accused child molester, so that he could go to Washington and protect the millions of unborn children who will, apparently, continue to be murdered even before they become zygotes.

It’s an enigma of modern life, this Republican moving of heaven and earth to save the unborn but not giving a flying firetruck about babies, once they’re actually out of the womb: the same so-called right-to-lifers who bomb abortion clinics to save fertilized eggs will die to preserve capital punishment; and gather cheerfully outside of prisons on execution nights in the existential version of the football stadium tailgate party.

Most satisfying, though, was the comeuppance to President Jackass. Molester (alleged) Moore’s campaign was taken straight from the Jackass’ manual and the narrow rejection of Moore meant a massive rejection of Trump, comb-over, robocall and all.

But the snubbing, in his own right, of a hypocritical semi-idiot bully also delighted. He actually voluntarily and gratuitously declared that the last time America was great was when they had slavery; which gives you a sharp perspective on how Donald Trump really intends to Make America Great Again.

But, even if you could make a case for American non-deplorables supporting the Jackass, you couldn’t be brainless enough to try to justify anyone who supported Moore. And, if no one in their right mind would support him in Alabama, neither would anyone outside of the half-crazy evangelical Bible Belt.

Except a Trinidadian “Christian” sect that qualifies as weird even amongst groups that believe, inter alia, that a man was flown around the world on a winged horse in one night, or that a virgin mother gave birth to a Jew who founded Christianity, and whose legal execution, by order of his father, gave mankind everlasting life after death.

Who remembers the admittedly entirely forgettable Thusians? Ten or 20 years ago – they didn’t register in my consciousness, except to think that they needed a bush, or any, bath – they were in Trinidadian headlines, for whipping the 12-year-old daughter of a “church” member, for masturbating. So outraged was the Thusian hierarchy – a contender for oxymoron of the century – they sent a senior – male, of course – “church” member to watch her shower, to ensure she did not sin; which he must have done with one hand on his heart and the other in his pocket.

They perfectly understandably hadn’t crossed my mind for decades until last Sunday morning, when I flicked on to TV6 (which I get on DirecTV in Barbados).

And there on the screen was the same uncombed, unwashed-looking man who’d orchestrated the whipping of the girl. What the firetruck, I thought: all these years and he still can’t find a barber? He looked like he might have played an instrument - no, carried them - for Steel Pulse. Idle as I was, the devil made time for me to watch him.

And then came the most startling contradiction I’ve encountered since getting into a depressing exchange with a Muslim woman who insisted that her veil freed her from male domination; or the polls in Barbados which regularly show a percentage approval in the high 80s-to-low-90s of corporal punishment in schools, the descendants of slaves clamouring to testify to the benefits of whipping defenceless children.

Amazingly – no, miraculously – the Thusians of Trinidad seem to consider themselves the ideological brethren of Steve Bannon and the racist bigoted evil that passes itself off as, “the alt-right”; even though Steve Bannon wour rather see him in a police ID lineup than a red carpet one.

The Thusians played, as part of their holy message, a compilation of white racist YouTube clips denouncing “fake news”.

And then the shabby man on TV called for conservatives to defend themselves; as, I imagine, he will use his next Sunday morning slot to denounce the election of Doug Jones.

So, if he leaves the US because he was rejected by Republicans, we can let Judge Roy Beanhead know that he has a seat as close as he might ever get to the right hand of God in the Limers’ Republic.

BC Pires is free enough to say he is liberal and to recommend the Western movie, The Life & Times of Judge Roy Bean. Read more of his writing at www.BCPires.com

Navigational Links