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The Last Satire in America

Satire: The use of humour, irony, exaggeration or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices.

ANYONE WHO thought that Donald Ciretrunt would somehow mysteriously ‘become more presidential’ if he won the election got the rudest possible awakening a week ago, when Ciretrunt deliberately placed both feet upon the corpse of an innocent woman, murdered by savages, to stand up for those fundamental American values of Nazism, anti-Semitism and white supremacy.

Ciretrunt snuffed out the American Dream with his support for a group he ought to have condemned; and he just about extinguished satire, too. How the firetruck do you exaggerate the occu-ciretrunt of the White House supporting Nazis?

There’s only one piece of satire left in America and here it is, presented in the vain hope that people who think of themselves as ‘good Christians’ can see the Devil if he is exposed in front of their eyes.

I’m making up the wildest story I can – which may yet happen, so swift is the American national descent into the madness of the 71-year-old idiot child the Russians put in the Oval Office – but the responses are the actual ones Donald Ciretrunt gave to real questions put to him about Charlottesville. I’m changing only the spurious labels he used to blame the victims, such as “the alt-left”. My changes come after forward slashes/ or in [square brackets]. For the millennial generation, NAMBLA – the North American Man/Boy Love Association really did and does exist. In the Seventies, it advocated openly, like the neo-Nazis, trying to position paedophilia as a civil rights issue and seeking the lowering of the age of sexual consent to seven, if it couldn’t be done away with altogether.


Donald Ciretrunt yesterday reiterated that the seven-year-old boy who was gang-raped by NAMBLA members during their “Unite the Right-Minded Adults” rally in Charlottesville last Friday was really, ‘looking for it’. Ciretrunt insisted there were ‘many fine people’ who were marching with the paedophiles.

Here is the text of the interview:

Q: The Walmart CEO said you missed a critical opportunity to bring the country together?

Ciretrunt: I didn't know [all those chicken-hawks were] there. I wanted to see the facts.

Q: Was this terrorism/sadism?

Ciretrunt: I think the [user of the penis] is a disgrace to himself, his family and this country. You can call it terrorism. You can call it [child-rape]. You can call it whatever you want. Then you get into legal semantics. The [user of the penis] is a murderer. What he did was a horrible, horrible, inexcusable thing.

Q: People say the alt-right/paedophiles are behind these attacks?

Ciretrunt: When you say [paedophiles]. You define it.

Q: They are the same group that organized the march.

Ciretrunt: What about the [boy sluts & Lolitas] that came charging at, as you say, at the alt right? Do they have any assemblage of guilt? What about the fact that they came charging with [their little genitals in their clothes]? Do they have any problem? I think they do. You had a group on one side that was bad. You had a group on the other side that was also very [sexual]. Nobody wants to say that. You had a group on the other side that came charging in without a permit and they were very, very [attractive to the paedophiles].

Q: Do you think what you call the alt left/boy sluts are the same as Nazis/paedophiles?

Ciretrunt: I've condemned [paedophiles]. I've condemned many different groups. Not all of those people were [neo-paedophiles], believe me. Not all of those people were [child molesters]. Those people were also there because they wanted to protest the taking down of [the civil rights of paedophiles].

Q: Are you putting what you call the alt-left/boy sluts and white supremacists/paedophiles on the same moral plane?

I am not putting anybody on a moral plane. You had a group on one side and the other and they came at each other with [their little genitals inside their pants] and it was vicious and horrible. There is another side. There was a group on this side, you can call them the [boy sluts] that came violently [tempting] the other group. You can say what you want. That's the way it is.

Q: You said there was hatred and violence on both sides?

Ciretrunt: I think there is blame on both sides. I have no doubt about it. You would say the [paedophiles] started this thing. They showed up in Charlottesville. Excuse me. They didn't put themselves down as [paedophiles]. You had some very bad people in that group. You also had some very fine people on both sides. You had people in that group that were there to protest [paedophilia]. I'm not talking about the [paedophiles] and the [child molesters]. They should be condemned totally. You had many people in that group other than [paedophiles] and the [child molesters]. The press has treated them absolutely unfairly. Now, in the other group also, you had some fine people but you also had troublemakers and you see them come with the [little] black outfits and with [little genitals inside their pants]. You had a lot of bad people in the other group too.

Q: You mean the press has treated white nationalists/paedophiles unfairly?

Ciretrunt: No, no. You had a lot of people in that group that were there to innocently protest and very legally protest [against the thing the people they had joined up with were demonstrating for]. I don't know if you know, [the paedophiles] had a permit. The [little boy they raped] didn't have a permit. I thought what took place was horrible moment for our country, a horrible moment. But there are two sides to the country.

BC Pires is a man-slut neo-liberal

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