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The Secret Diary of Donald J Trump, aged 70 ¾

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Fake News, Real Mexican Terror

16th January 2018 Dear Dairy,This country is going to hell in a hand-thing, I forget the word, but I know all the bestly words but I just won’t use that one today because I choose not to, not because I don’t memory it. Hand-BASKET, it’s hand-basket, I remembered it because I have the bestly memory-brain. Not fucking Obama! He doesn’t remember anything but he’ll remember for his whole life who he lost the Ovil Orifice to! Hah! Take that, Niger-American! I didn’t even want this read more

Me Alone against Niger-Americans

12th January 2018. Dear Dairy, I was elected by a minority of Americans and sent by God to sort this shit out. What’s happened to the world when the most powerful man in it can’t call a spade a coon? Cable Fake News always has people on it pretending that I tell a thousand lies a minute but do they cover it when I tell the truth? They want truth to power, they say, but when they get it, oh, all of a sudden, Haiti isn’t a shithole anymore! You don’t even have to go to Haiti to know read more

Thank God It’s Friday

Crosswords & Blockchains

APART FROM one other person, who must remain nameless, because she is my editor-in-chief at Newsday, Judy Raymond, I’m the youngest Trinidadian person I know who does a cryptic crossword – and I’m going to be firetrucking 60 in June!Most Trinis probably don’t even know what a cryptic crossword is. When they first appeared in English newspapers almost a century ago, crosswords were like the boring modern American version: you enter the word “dog” because the clue is, “Domestic family pet” and you know it ends in “-og” because you’ve already filled in, “Air mattress (4)” as “lilo” and “Lower human limb (3)” as “leg”. In a cryptic crossword, each clue brings a little dollop of delight with its solution. The clue that hooked me for good, e.g., was: “There will be no theatricals at the extra football match read more...

TGIF - Delayed

Thank God it's Friday's column will be delayed by one day now it is being published in the Newsday. Check your Newsday paper or online today for BC's column Thank God It's FridayTomorrow you will find TGIF on bcpires.com and all subscribers will received their emailed copy.In case you firetrucking care! read more...

BC on TV

A Trifecta of What’s Best on the Box for Sunday 14 January 2018

Today’s Number One Film: Unforgiven, 8.55am Cinemax. Watch this if you liked 3.10 to Yuma, The Wild Bunch or The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada. As lead star and director of this hard but deeply satisfying and unequivocally excellent film, Clint paid back for Heartbreak Ridge, The Bridges of Madison County and all the other excesses he foisted upon us. This, unquestionably his magnum opus (no matter how fond you are of quoting dialogue from Dirty Harry) is a brooding examination of the cost of violence and the failure of society to help those who need it most.As bleak as it is, it celebrates our small attempts to defeat all that is base in ourselves even as we sink. The story of a flawed man trying to make good in difficult times remains as valid today as it did at the time of Jesse James Read more...

Firetruckery of the Day

The Poui Tree Firetruckery

Over-hot and bone dry as Trinidad is today, even with the immediate slight greening of last Thursday’s single April shower, Port of Spain’s Queen’s Park Savannah still remains beautiful, at least on the edges, where poui tree leaves are falling. That gorgeous yellow carpet spread at the feet of a gnarled old tree always takes your breath away. Can there be anyone in Trinidad who does not stop and stare in wonder, and be grateful just to be alive to see such a thing? Well, yes, there are. A large group of people, in fact, and I was myself one of them, 30 years ago.

Yes, while the rest of the country is thrilled to see poui in bloom, students at the St Augustine campus of the University of the West Indies hate the sight. Trini secondary school students don’t make the same connection because their academic instruction runs almost to the end of the third school term in July, but, when I was there, doing my LLB in 1979, it was the first thing second-year students passed down to freshmen: they nodded up towards the Northern Range, in the foothills of which the campus sits, and warned you, “If you see the poui in bloom, and you’re not ready for exams, you’ve failed!” Even in poui flowers in Trinidad, it have fuckeries.

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Trini to d Bone

The Arima Kid - Pt II

You were doing something serious and important?But of course!Yet it was trivialized?[Interrupting] Everybody, everybody, everybody!Was that not painful?Very painful. Even my closest connections, some of my immediate family and other people would say, “Listen, man, why you don’t do something serious?” But it give opportunity! I remember we went to Cedros and there was a man with a funny face. They called him “Ugly”. He was making faces at me from the audience. People were saying, “Move from here!” But I put him on [camera] and asked him, “How you going?” And he made his funny face. He got a job just from that, what we called DEWD or Public Works. He became a personality, more than a clown. He became “Mr Ugly” instead of just “Ugly”. So it Read more...

BC Pires

is a barrister by qualification (class of 1984) but, for the last 28 years, has done nothing but write to earn a living. His flagship column, Thank God It’s Friday, has appeared in either the Trinidad Guardian or the Trinidad Express since Ash Friday, 1988. He has written about film from an informed lay perspective for the same period and is as close as the cricket-playing West Indies gets to a film critic (though he refuses that label). He has written for many publications, including the London Sunday Observer and the London & Manchester Guardian. Since 2010, his personality-based feature, “Trini/’Bago to D Bone” has been appearing in the Trinidad Guardian. Since 2002, he has been the editor of Cré Olé, the Trinidad & Tobago annual restaurant guide.
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