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The Secret Diary of Donald J Trump, aged 70 ¾

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Waist of Time

19th January 2018 Dear Dairy, Fake News have inventabled a whole new hoax to replace Russia Collusion. They’re even calling it a “girther movement”, trying to make it sound as important as the birther movement I led against Fake President Barack O-Babbon. I am slim! I am just big-boned, because I am so tall and strong and MY HAIR IS REAL O Dear Dairy. It was a fucking doctor and a general in the navy or something who said I wasn’t fat! It wasn’t like some kike-doctor I could pay read more

Fake News, Real Mexican Terror

16th January 2018 Dear Dairy,This country is going to hell in a hand-thing, I forget the word, but I know all the bestly words but I just won’t use that one today because I choose not to, not because I don’t memory it. Hand-BASKET, it’s hand-basket, I remembered it because I have the bestly memory-brain. Not fucking Obama! He doesn’t remember anything but he’ll remember for his whole life who he lost the Ovil Orifice to! Hah! Take that, Niger-American! I didn’t even want this read more

Thank God It’s Friday

Crocodile Patriotism, Real Traffic Tears

part II of Crosswords & Blockchains, promised for today, will appear next Friday, unless Trinidad does even more firetruckery in-between Traffic to the MaxIF YOU CAN measure Trinidad’s compassion viciously accurately by how it treats its weakest members –the homeless, the helpless, the homos, the stray dogs – you can measure its superficiality similarly by what it chooses to invest with pomp and circumstance. And this week’s, three-day pappyshow around the burial of former president Max Richards should make anyone with any pride cringe and reach for a Canadian refugee application form.If we had to shut down Port of Spain for three days to “recognise” Max Richards, we need to put up a statute to Abu Bakr; however you measure it, Abu Bakr had a greater impact on Trinidad than Max Richards. Or any president before or after him. Some may read more...

TGIF - Delayed

Thank God it's Friday's column will be delayed by one day now it is being published in the Newsday. Check your Newsday paper or online today for BC's column Thank God It's FridayTomorrow you will find TGIF on bcpires.com and all subscribers will received their emailed copy.In case you firetrucking care! read more...

BC on TV

A Trifecta of What’s Best on the Box for Sunday 21 January 2018

Today’s Number One Film: *Black Mass, 9.05am HBO2 BEST FILM OF THE DAY. Watch this if you liked The Departed, Prisoners or Goodfellas. Viewed on the silver screen, upon its general cinematic release, it seemed impossible to imagine anyone denying Johnny Depp the Best Actor Oscar, BAFTA, Golden Globe and every other award for his role as the real life Jimmy “Whitey” Bulger, perhaps Boston’s most infamous son (and the inspiration for the Jack Nicholson character in The Departed); in the end, he wasn’t even nominated! Despite the near complete lack of recognition – the most significant Best Actor award he was nominated for (and lost) was the Screen Actors Guild – this could well be Johnny Depp’s best role, ever. The criminal on whom the film is based – see the documentary Read more...

Firetruckery of the Day

​For the Gemini in All Our Bellies

The greatest modern challenge – and it’s really unique to our age – is to separate the ludicrous from the genius. We have to overcome the challenge everywhere from the Cabinet through the campuses to the catwalk: are we supposed to admire or sneer at those policies, courses or fashions? But, extreme sushi notwithstanding the contradiction of our age hasn’t so far been literally served up on a plate in front of us. What do we make of the “hamdog”, apart from a meal – or two? Successfully patented by Mark Murray, an Australian entrepreneur/joker-who-got-taken-seriously, the hamdog is doing well in Western Australia, whose most famous son until now was Heath Ledger. The bit that allowed the patent, I’m guessing, is the bun, which is handmade and designed to accommodate both the hot dog sausage and the burger patty; from above, it looks like two Starship Enterprises had such great sex, they shook off their tailfins. At last, a meal for the junk food addict who just can’t make up his mind; wait for the hamdogandfries the old Mark is surely cooking up at the back of his mind.

Firetruckery thanks to Ira from a Brooklyn more famous for its hot than its hamdogs.

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Trini to d Bone

The Arima Kid - Pt II

You were doing something serious and important?But of course!Yet it was trivialized?[Interrupting] Everybody, everybody, everybody!Was that not painful?Very painful. Even my closest connections, some of my immediate family and other people would say, “Listen, man, why you don’t do something serious?” But it give opportunity! I remember we went to Cedros and there was a man with a funny face. They called him “Ugly”. He was making faces at me from the audience. People were saying, “Move from here!” But I put him on [camera] and asked him, “How you going?” And he made his funny face. He got a job just from that, what we called DEWD or Public Works. He became a personality, more than a clown. He became “Mr Ugly” instead of just “Ugly”. So it Read more...

BC Pires

is a barrister by qualification (class of 1984) but, for the last 28 years, has done nothing but write to earn a living. His flagship column, Thank God It’s Friday, has appeared in either the Trinidad Guardian or the Trinidad Express since Ash Friday, 1988. He has written about film from an informed lay perspective for the same period and is as close as the cricket-playing West Indies gets to a film critic (though he refuses that label). He has written for many publications, including the London Sunday Observer and the London & Manchester Guardian. Since 2010, his personality-based feature, “Trini/’Bago to D Bone” has been appearing in the Trinidad Guardian. Since 2002, he has been the editor of Cré Olé, the Trinidad & Tobago annual restaurant guide.
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