The Secret Diary of Donald J Trump, aged 7i ¾
Thank God It’s Friday
BC on TV
Firetruckery of the Day
Hang In There, Theon
American doctors yesterday performed the first successful penis transplant in the USA and if that doesn’t qualify as firetruckeries, nothing will. The procedure – a “gentito-urinary vascularized allograft” for surgeons, a real “dick move” for everyone else – took a team of 50 surgeons, doctors and nurses 15 hours to complete, and the man who benefitted from it – 64-year-old Thomas Manning – is expected to leave hospital by the weekend.
But I find myself wondering other things, like: did they have to locate a 60-something-year-old donor to make the transplant work? Or did Mr Manning get, say, Prince’s? (And who wouldn’t want that? I mean, despite the mileage on it, you’ve got to think it’d hold up well). Will Mr Manning be heading straight home, come Friday, or will he stop off at the bar and audition eager test drive participants? Does this give a new meaning to both, “mutton dressed as lamb” AND “I wouldn’t screw her with someone else’s dick”? And will it lead to a new urban legend, in which a man wakes up with his boxer shorts filled with ice?