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The Secret Diary of Donald J Trump, aged 7i ¾

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Guns Don't Kill, Immigrants Do

19 February 2018 Feeling very sadly, Deerest Dairy, because so many kids got shot dead in Florida but also feeling very madly, Dairy, because I TOLED THEM IT WOULD HAPPEN. The shooter was a Dreamer but it was a NITEMARE for the many fine children! I don’t mind if Niger-Americans shoot one another, that helps keep down the prison population anyways. But these were decent kids! This is what happens when you don’t elect my candidates like Roy “Molester” Moore and when DEMOCRAT LOSERS read more

Here's the Deal: DACA for the Wife-Decker

13 February 2018 Inst 44Deer Dairy, How fastly things change up and down that make life worth something or whatever. Just mare days ago I was dancing on sunshiney parades, thinking of ICBMs and jet planes flying through the skies and troops marching across America to salute me and how I’d put some tanks in the Niger-American areas of DC – can’t call them “neighbourhoods” because they don’t love their neighbours, they just kill them, get some respect back, put them in their place, read more

Thank God It’s Friday

Paula-Mae is Head (of State)

NOT TO RUB you the wrong way, Madame President-elect, but I was myself tremendously upset by the Guardian headline over your interview last month, “I’m not a lesbian”, and not because I thought it went too far, but because I didn’t feel it, or you, or we, as a country, went far enough: how I wish, Madame President-elect, you were and remained openly lesbian. Now I don’t wish to push anything on anyone, least of all a sexual orientation they don’t feel; I can’t think of a more powerful recipe for unhappiness. Sexual identity goes straight to the heart, mind, gonads and zygote. If someone is heterosexual, they should never be prevented from acting upon it, but, if we are to be civilized, instead of merely living in cities, it is more important that, if someone is read more...

TGIF - Delayed

Thank God it's Friday's column will be delayed by one day now it is being published in the Newsday. Check your Newsday paper or online today for BC's column Thank God It's FridayTomorrow you will find TGIF on bcpires.com and all subscribers will received their emailed copy.In case you firetrucking care! read more...

BC on TV

A Trifecta of What’s Best on the Box for Sunday 18 February 2018

Either of the first two Also Ran films might have taken the BEST FILM OF THE DAY and the top slot if they had not been chosen last month. Today’s Number One Film: *Manchester by the Sea, 11.36am HBO Signature BEST FILM OF THE DAY. Watch this if you liked Boys Don’t Cry, Blue Valentine or Moonlight. The winner of the 2016 Best Screenplay and Best Lead Actor Oscars and BAFTAs, Best Actor Golden Globe was also nominated in nearly every category for all the major awards – and earned a Metacritic score of 96 out of 100. This is a film any serious movie lover must see – but not one many will be said to enjoy. Unrelentingly bleak but magnificently real, Manchester by the Sea stands the notion of escapism on its head – in a pool of misery. Read more...

Firetruckery of the Day

Char Siu Shaitanic

The Sunday Guardian’s lead story is about Trinidadian jihadist – I’m betting there are none from Tobago – returnees from the Shaitanic State’s war in Syria/Iraq. The current Minister of National Security doesn’t quite deny the 400 number Opposition MP Roodal Moonilal and other Trinis have been gossiping about for nearly two years, but has “authenticated” a list of 100 who have “travelled to Syria”. (Notably, the words, “and returned to Trinidad” do not appear.)

Clearly, anyone motivated, and dotish, enough to fly halfway around the world to kill on behalf of the Shaitanic State, is a serious threat to Trinidad; we could easily have another attempt, more fully-baked this time, to set up a local caliphate.

But all this current jhanjhat and ratiray stem from an internal mistake during the 1990 coup. My pardner Morris had a solution that would have defused the whole thing: after three days, and with the jihadists’ bellies grumbling, all we needed to do was send in boxes of Chinese lunch specials: char sui kai fan – barbecued pork meals – in they nennen! Them rebels, said Morris, were Trinis first and jihadists second. The caliphate would have collapsed at the first lunch.

And we wouldn’t be dealing with the firetruckeries that we are today.

Trini to d Bone

The Arima Kid - Pt II

You were doing something serious and important?But of course!Yet it was trivialized?[Interrupting] Everybody, everybody, everybody!Was that not painful?Very painful. Even my closest connections, some of my immediate family and other people would say, “Listen, man, why you don’t do something serious?” But it give opportunity! I remember we went to Cedros and there was a man with a funny face. They called him “Ugly”. He was making faces at me from the audience. People were saying, “Move from here!” But I put him on [camera] and asked him, “How you going?” And he made his funny face. He got a job just from that, what we called DEWD or Public Works. He became a personality, more than a clown. He became “Mr Ugly” instead of just “Ugly”. So it Read more...

BC Pires

is a barrister by qualification (class of 1984) but, for the last 28 years, has done nothing but write to earn a living. His flagship column, Thank God It’s Friday, has appeared in either the Trinidad Guardian or the Trinidad Express since Ash Friday, 1988. He has written about film from an informed lay perspective for the same period and is as close as the cricket-playing West Indies gets to a film critic (though he refuses that label). He has written for many publications, including the London Sunday Observer and the London & Manchester Guardian. Since 2010, his personality-based feature, “Trini/’Bago to D Bone” has been appearing in the Trinidad Guardian. Since 2002, he has been the editor of Cré Olé, the Trinidad & Tobago annual restaurant guide.
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