Thank God It’s Friday

To Serve You Better

IT WASN’T the half-hour drive through traffic that got to me, nor even that they’d told me on the phone to come to that branch; or that, when I got there, it was plain to see, through the all-glass frontage, that the store had been shut for ages, furniture carried away, cobwebs everywhere.No, it was the sign on the door: “As part of our commitment to excellence and our ongoing determination to serve you better, we have streamlined our operation…” The sign, without irony intended, read more...

TGIF - Delayed

Thank God it's Friday's column will be delayed by one day now it is being published in the Newsday. Check your Newsday paper or online today for BC's column Thank God It's FridayTomorrow you will find TGIF on bcpires.com and all subscribers will received their emailed copy.In case you firetrucking care! read more...

Of Mice and Myanmar

AT FIRST, there were only one or two and I thought little or nothing of dispatching them: field mice thrive in the Bajan canefields and knocking them on the head occasionally is one small responsibility of the country gentleman. As we tamed the wild empty lots around our house, though, reducing the grasshopper invasion from half-a-dozen every night to one or two per month, the mouse population in our “under-the-house” actually, perversely, increased – even though they shared the space read more...

Himself Sold Himself

Heself told heself, “You are charged for speeding”/ Heself start to shout, “The policeman lie”/ Heself told heself, “This ain’t no sport!”/ And he charge himself for contempt of court” – The Mighty Spoiler, from “Magistrate Try Himself” IN 1958, WHEN Spoiler satirized privilege in his calypso about the country magistrate forced to hear his own speeding case, could anyone have imagined that the Chief Justice would be going to court this morning to attempt to prevent the Law read more...

The Secret Diary of Donald J Trump, aged 71 and 3/4

SINCE LAST NOVEMBER, to avoid despair at the thought of the jackass currently braying in the Oval Office, I’ve been writing, intermittently, a spoof Donald Trump diary (as readers of my website know). It cheers up people, I’m told, but I really write it for myself: if I couldn’t mock him at will, I’d have to write my will and shoot myself. My parody uses, as a springboard, the late Sue Townsend’s hilarious, immaculately-written The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole aged 13 and ¾ but, read more...
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The Secret Diary of Donald J Trump, aged 71 ¾

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Sock It to Little Rocket (Man)

9 March 2018 Deer Dairy, Really hope Babbon Obama is watching TV now. Even Cable FAKE News is finally telling the truth: I HAVE FORCED Kim Ping Pong TO THE BARGAINING THING! They laught at me when I said my nuclear button was biger than his like their laughing now about my STEAL TARRIFFS ARE TARRIFIC!!!! But see who’s come crawling to beg America to let them live now! NOW I PUT MY FOOT ON HIS SCRAWNEEY LITTLE YELLOW NECK AND SNAP IT. The weaklings and losers we’ve had for so long read more

All is Fare in Love & Trade War

8 March 2018 Deer Dairy, So many loser dunces who know nothing about economicalism. Don’t they get it yet? They still haven’t read The Art of the Deel? Learn something from the bestly man in business, ever, and TV star of history. MY NEW TRADE WAR IS GOING TO MAKE AMERICA GRATE AGAIN! Who needs Gina? Three weeks from now, everything in the world will be marked MADE IN AMERICA when you turn it upsided down. Especially STEAL! Gina will be using our steal and MEXICO WILL BUILD THE read more

BC on TV

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A Trifecta of What’s Best on the Box for Sunday 11 March 2018

If it had not been chosen recently, the only film that could have beaten today’s top pick for the BEST FILM OF THE DAY would surely have been chosen, though in the second spot (**Arrival, 9pm HBOP). Today’s Number One Film: Locke 10.35am Cinemax BEST FILM OF THE DAY. Watch this if you liked Unfriended, Snowpiercer or the original Michael Caine/Laurence Olivier Sleuth. The best film comparison to represent Steven “Eastern Promises” Knight’s wonderful, and wonderfully tense, film is probably 12 Angry Men, the classic film of conflict set in a murder trial jury room. Locke is even more claustrophobic: apart from a very few establishing shots, the entire film takes place in the front seat of a BMW driving from Birmingham to London. The full cast numbers 12 Read more...

Trini to d Bone

The Arima Kid - Pt II

You were doing something serious and important?But of course!Yet it was trivialized?[Interrupting] Everybody, everybody, everybody!Was that not painful?Very painful. Even my closest connections, some of my immediate family and other people would say, “Listen, man, why you don’t do something serious?” But it give opportunity! I remember we went to Cedros and there was a man with a funny face. They called him “Ugly”. He was making faces at me from the audience. People were saying, “Move from here!” But I put him on [camera] and asked him, “How you going?” And he made his funny face. He got a job just from that, what we called DEWD or Public Works. He became a personality, more than a clown. He became “Mr Ugly” instead of just “Ugly”. So it Read more...

BC Pires

is a barrister by qualification (class of 1984) but, for the last 28 years, has done nothing but write to earn a living. His flagship column, Thank God It’s Friday, has appeared in either the Trinidad Guardian or the Trinidad Express since Ash Friday, 1988. He has written about film from an informed lay perspective for the same period and is as close as the cricket-playing West Indies gets to a film critic (though he refuses that label). He has written for many publications, including the London Sunday Observer and the London & Manchester Guardian. Since 2010, his personality-based feature, “Trini/’Bago to D Bone” has been appearing in the Trinidad Guardian. Since 2002, he has been the editor of Cré Olé, the Trinidad & Tobago annual restaurant guide.
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